Exitvoid, IC Inbox

[adoptalizard]

first.last@compass.net (3) (no subject) D12 63:19PM first.last@compass.net (6) Re: Mission D11 8:01PM first.last@compass.net (12) [text] D10 9:35AM

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Comments

[adoptalizard]

erik is a nutjob. what do you people want me to do, send out flowery letters about how i'm so so sorry i got turned into someone's pet monster and ripped their throats open, and how bad i feel about it? i'm sure that'll be really comforting.

[ and make the whole covered in blood nightmares stop ]

[thekiller]

erik is an idealist, and he knows what he's doing. other than his mutation, that's why he's fucking dangerous.

that's not what i meant. [and then wesley pulls out his 'why i'm a horrible influence card'.]
you don't have to choose in being one or the other when you have the capacity to use yourself as leverage.

[adoptalizard]

he threatens to kill like every person he meets.

...what does that even mean?

[thekiller]

you've no ear for threats. that's fine, most of the time you're a fucking whiner anyway.

i meant that you can use your lizard form as a threat. if someone threatens to drop you from the bow of the ship, why don't you threaten them and just force yourself to transform. i don't know the mechanics of your mutation, but if it's similar to how werewolves are, you wouldn't even need anybody to save your ass.

[adoptalizard]

i'm pretty sure threats are threats regardless of my ear for them.

i don't have the lizard form anymore. and the form i do have i'm not using. [ because he can't control it and he's terrified of becoming what he was again. ] anyway i'm pretty sure derek rips out throats for me now

[thekiller]

[he wants to push. wants to beat him into submission and agree into controlling and making it into a reflex. with enough training and force he could probably do it.

he's not gonna tell that to him.]

for a guy you don't like, you sure as hell rely on him a lot.

alright, i won't press. [not now.] but i'm just saying. it's less of a nightmare if you acknowledge yourself as a weapon.

[adoptalizard]

we have a mutually beneficial arrangement

[ another long pause ] i don't want to be a weapon.

[thekiller]

you don't actually have that convenience, but whatever you say, man.

[adoptalizard]

i don't have to be shit. i', not some mindless thing with a master anymore and once i can control this crap, i don't have to use it.

[thekiller]

yes because repression is such a good answer to these kinds of things.

look, i'm just saying: it's an option. you want nothing to do with it, fine. just know that the option is there and it's not a bad idea to know when to use it.

[adoptalizard]

and deciding you're a weapon is better?

consider it noted.

[thekiller]

no. deciding that you're the only one who can control yourself and you're fucking effective as a threat on your own terms is.

note that.

[adoptalizard]

i'm not shit right now. and i'm not seeing how that actually helps with the 7 stages of grief.

[thekiller]

idk, acknowledging you can actually do something about your issues is pretty damn useful.

[adoptalizard]

not anything that changes it.

[thekiller]

suit yourself. i recognize a white flag when i see one. i also recognize narcissistic desperation because it takes one to know one, so with that in mind, good bye.